Tennessee Man Sues Apple Over Porn on its Devices

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Tennessee wacko, Chris Sevier is suing Apple over porn he viewed using the company’s devices. Sevier won’t rest until Apple ships its internet connected devices in a “safe mode” that will prevent users from easily accessing pornography. His 50 page complaint is now viewable online, and it’s about as insane as you might think. Above the Law was nice enough to round up a few key points of Sevier’s incoherent, bizarre and grammatically incorrect arguments here:

The Plaintiff is a victim of Apple’s product that was sold to him without any warning of the damage the pornography causes. “But for” the Plaintiff’s use of the Apple product, the quality of the Plaintiff’s life would have been much better and injury would have been avoided. The Plaintiff sustained these unwarranted damages in the course of using Apple’s product as designed. Apple’s product was not adequately equipped with safety features that would have otherwise blocked unwarranted intrusions of pornographic content that systematically poisoned his life.

The fact that he can (choose to) look at pornography on Apple devices apparently threatened Sevier’s marriage as well:

UNFAIR COMPETITION AND INTERFERENCE OF THE MARITAL CONTRACT: The Plaintiff became totally out of synch in his romantic relationship with his wife, which was a consequence of his use of his Apple product. The Plaintiff began desiring, younger more beautiful girls featured in porn videos than his wife, who was no longer 21. His failed marriage caused the Plaintiff to experience emotional distress to the point of hospitalization. The Plaintiff could no longer tell the difference between internet pornography and tangible intercourse due to the content he accessed through the Apple products, which failed to provide him with warnings of the dangers of online pornography whatsoever.

Of course this makes perfect sense because, “As human beings themselves, Apple employees know that a man is born full of harmonies [hormones?] and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the intent to cause vicarious arousal.”

Sevier does a great job of tying his experience with Apple to the greater demoralization of society as a whole in one of my personal faves:

In the 1950s, before there was in the internet and the ACLU, we had prayer in school, males were not flaming out academically, there was no need for viagra commercials to clog up our televisions late at not, homosexuals were substantially fewer in number, sex trafficking was virtually nonexistent, prostitution was way down, and child porn was unheard of. Why are things different – easily accessible pornography accessible through high speed internet and devices like Apple products is one contributing factor in that complex answer.

I think it’s pretty clear we can file this under “The Chronicles of Ridic”, and his lawsuit will come to nothing. Apple has declined to comment, but if they did it might look something like this: “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, and furthermore, HA!”

[Via: Above The Law]

  • http://silverfang77.tumblr.com/ Silver Fang

    OMG! Please tell me this is a gag article! When I started reading, I thought maybe this was one of those cases of someone getting a device/computer with porn on it out of the box, in which case I would be sympathetic to their plight.

    This guy sounds like he’s blaming his lack of self control on Apple. If the courts take people such as him seriously, soon we’ll find ourselves in a situation like in England where ISPs filter our access unless we opt out of the filtering.

    Hopefully, his suit is dismissed and he’s laughed out of the courthouse and off the Internet!

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