We’ve all been there. It’s 3 in the morning and you’re chatting up a beautiful university student who has had way too many shots. She grabs your arm and looks deep into your eyes, channeling a Freudian lust for the love that her father never gave her growing up. She asks to go home with you. Now, you can’t say yes since you’re married and have two beautiful children, but the allure of being balls deep inside a woman half your age is too resisting to pass. You may never have this opportunity again, your wife stopped performing fellatio last decade, and besides, you need the confidence boost by convincing yourself that doing this will make you a man again. Morally grounded men might pull out their iPhone and call the a taxi for this sweet young lady. Some will use the large, multitouch screen to zoom in on their children’s faces as a reminder of what’s waiting for them back home. You’re not one of those men. You’re going to use your iPhone to find the nearest Hilton Hotel, navigate to it, place it on the night stand, and then reach for it once again once when she is in the reverse cowgirl position so you can snap a quick video so you’ll never forget that one night you kicked ass.
[Via: Textually, USA Today, Official Press Release]