After a slow day of news and some twitter chatter between @Videos4BB, @nanpalmero, @ASacco, @azeis, and I, it’s become clear that although The Onion has a fantastic tech section, the world needs more parody around the mobile blogging world. Let’s see what we can do.
Amateur tech blogger Andrew Patowski had recently posted a rumour regarding prominent handset manufacturer, CellCom, moving to a new operating system, but was promptly met with furious denial, both from rabid competition as well as stone-cold company officials.
“This guy is so wrong, it’s stupid. Who even let him on the internet?”, commented one prominent, anonymous blogger who goes solely by the monicker “The Phoninantor”. “He says he’s got a ninja or something giving him the low-down? Well, I’ve got ninjas, barbarians, robots, and hoes in seven area codes that say he’s full of crap.”
Ex-market analyst Geoffrey Rudabaker now writing for Mobile Weekly says, “It’s virtually impossible that CellCom would jump to another OS, according to current market forecasts. Some very smart people have made very pretty graphs that make the situation perfectly clear,” said Rudabaker, pointing to a chart. “As you can see, everything is going up and to the right. That’s what CellCom is doing now. That’s good.” Rudabaker then pointed to another chart demonstrating a downward slope. “This is what would happen if CellCom switched operating systems. That’s bad, therefor CellCom will never make the jump.”
In an effort to fully put a close to the matter, CellCom issued an official statement: “The allegations that CellCom is dropping their tried-and-true operating system are patently false. Clearly anyone who would think that has no place in the industry, and as such, we have petitioned all major conventions and news outlets to blacklist the source of these rumours in the hope that their lies and deceit never again tarnish our good name.” Following the statement, CellCom-branded knights have been sighted on a holy crusade against Patowski and other rumour-mongering bloggers.
When reached for a reaction, Patowski’s embarassment was palpable. “I don’t think I can show my face in the microblogowebothingie ever again,” he said before being impaled by a lance.
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P.S.: Al from CIO did something similar about a life-saving iPhone – check it out!