Easter, or “Zombie Jesus Day” as us secularists like to call it, has finally come to an end. Today is the day that many of you are coming back from a long four day weekend, and as such are going to spend a good portion of your working day scouring the internet, trying to catch up with the insanity that has occurred during the past 100 hours. If you actually stayed online during the weekend when both Orthodox and Catholic religions celebrated Jesus turning into a zombie, then you don’t need to read this because the mere whisper of the word iPad, combined with your already fragile mental state, may cause you to go to your nearest Apple Store and begin pumping rounds willy-nilly into anyone with white headphones coming out the side of their head.
For those who want to tune in to what happened, let’s pump out some news!
Update: For those of you who were offended, I’m sorry you don’t share the same vulgar sense of humour that I possess. Hope the new image is more suitable. If you’re curious to see the image I’ve taken down, click here.
- Apple’s iPad came out on Saturday, and 24 hours later a press release came out of Cupertino saying that the company sold over 300,000 during the first day.
- Angst ridden white kids, who live in some random suburban sprawl, and are taking far too much Ritalin, bought an iPad and took an aluminimum baseball bat to the damn thing. They recorded a video.
- Those guys who make that blender that can blend just about any object known to man shoved an iPad inside said blender and the results speak for themselves.
- iFixit not only took the iPad apart, but they also teamed up with Ottawa based (Canada for those of you who are geographically challenged) Chipworks to tear apart the A4 processor inside! The type of detail they go into is usually found in reports that sell for upwards of $10,000, so consider yourselves extremely lucky to get access to such rich information.
- Some car modification place shoved an iPad into a car’s dashboard, because when I think safety, I think of Tyrone updating his MySpace status while a joint is hanging out of his mouth and Dead Prez is blasting out of the 12 speakers in his trunk, 10 of which are subwoofers.
- Less than 3 days after the iPad came out Apple invites a whole bunch of press folks to an event to show off iPhone OS 4.0. It’s scheduled to take place on April 8th, which is yes, this Thursday!
- Microsoft also invited press people to an event, this one is supposed to happen on April 12th, and it’s all but confirmed that the company will be showing off their first Microsoft branded mobile phones. The hardware will be made by Sharp, but the software is all done by Danger, the company who made the once popular Sidekick line of mobile devices, and which Microsoft purchased in 2008.
- Eldar Murtazin, Editor in Chief of Mobile-Review, and the one man in the world who has a Willy Wonka like golden ticket that grants him access to prototype hardware weeks, and even months before anyone else, has lost all confidence in Nokia after playing with a Symbian^3 device. He says the OS is buggy, isn’t really that much better than previous versions of Symbian, and that while the first device to ship with Symbian^3 will be pretty on the outside, it’s going to be as dumb as Forest Gump on the inside. He’s thrown in the towel for Nokia’s 2010 smartphone lineup, and he even goes so far as to defend himself against the people who claim he is anti-Nokia. Eldar loves Nokia, a lot, but he’s upset they’re not working hard to compete with the best that the competition has to offer.
- Palm, who is in worse shape than a deaf, dumb, and blind paraplegic, has decided to get rid of the advertising agency that did those stupid commercials with that creepy ultra pale lady and flying Chinese people.
- Someone overclocked a Nokia N900 and made it hit 1 GHz. This of course is unstable, and kills your battery life, but like most things in the open source community, someone did it just because they wanted to see if they could do it, irregardless of the fact that it doesn’t push the Maemo/MeeGo platform forward at all.
- This genius named Danny Gagatt, who
works for an advertising agencyis a camera man that Nokia hired to make a “viral video” (hello memories of internet slang circa 2006!) of Finland’s upcoming flagship, “Vasco”, tweeted about the device. He later deleted his tweet, and while he didn’t manage to leak any vital information, Nokia’s legal team of men and women with assholes so tight they can crack walnuts will have a few nice and oh so dirty words with him. - Microsoft has heard the cries of everyone regarding “Windows Phone 7 Series” and have simply renamed it “Windows Phone 7”.
That’s it really. You didn’t miss much, except for about 48 hours when everyone, including their mother and their cat and their mother’s cat, were talking about the Apple iPad. I envy those of you who traveled somewhere exotic, with limited access to the internet. The iPad fever was painful to watch and has scared this blogger for life.